Pumpernickel Bread


I started my day ass backwards today. I usually wake up and make coffee, but for some odd reason, I decided not to have coffee this morning and now I’m all fucked up.

I read this article that before you have your morning coffee you should chug back a glass of water (the article didn’t say chug, but I chug my water because I find it more enjoyable to drink that way), and eat breakfast before having a cup of coffee. The past couple of weeks I’ve been trying to do this, but on the days that I remember to follow this “healthy alternative” I’m all foggy, and annoyed, and I don’t enjoy my mornings as much.

Anyways, so this morning I decided to have my water and breakfast first, which was okay because I saw that we had pumpernickel bread in the freezer so I was like “hell ya, a treat!”. To my surprise, pumpernickel bread is no damn treat.

I made my scrambled egg whites and toasted a couple pieces of bread and if you didn’t already know this PUMPERNICKEL BREAD IS IMPOSSIBLE TO TOAST. I’m super specific about how toasted my bread is, and this is impossible to monitor while cooking pumpernickel bread. The bread is already so brown that I can’t tell how much longer to keep toasting it. So of course, I burnt my first batch, of course. The second time around was a bit better, mind you it was a little undercooked but that’s manageable.

Now comes buttering the toast. Once pumpernickel bread is toasted, that shit crumbles like sugar cookies when you bite into them. So now the butter has hundreds of little brown crumbs in it and I had to sit there and clean it out because my mother would go ape shit because she hates when there’s crumbs in the butter.

I finished my breakfast, it was delicious despite all of the obstacles I encountered preparing it, and now I’m definitely going to always have coffee first so that things as simple as pumpernickel bread don’t annoy me at 8 o’clock in the morning.






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